Hercules wept.

He lay hopelessly on the floor of the room where his friend had been placed after his death. He had tried not to look at the body, but at the same time he was compelled to watch over; and touch one last time. Despair had finally left him weak - wounded in mind and heart.

Iolaus lay partially wrapped in white linen and the gentle women who had washed the body were gone. As they worked, his mind had screamed, wept, denied. He'd raged around the room, refused to talk to anyone, and cursed the gods who had let this happen - cursed the god that had caused it to happen.

But now he gathered a cloak of empty grief around him, shaking with the cold that engulfed him at its weighty touch and began to pray.

"Gods of Sumeria....I've never prayed before, not even to my own gods... but I don't know what else to do."

Iolaus.... His mind whispered.

Iolaus...!! A silent scream.

He crawled across the floor, stood up, supporting himself on the stone bier, and wiped away tears that refused to fall from his eyes. All the while tears rained down inside his soul.

"I don't have the words to tell you what Iolaus meant to me, so I'm asking you to look into my heart." He addressed the gods aloud once more as he gazed down at his friend laying still and cold. His eyes blurred.

"Hear me, hear my prayer...." he murmured. His heart was breaking at the loss of his friend, his brother in arms... and if he had lived... much, much more.

He combed gentle fingers through Iolaus' tousled gold hair. He stroked down the cold skin of forehead and cheek to touch the hard iron of the amulet that Iolaus always wore. He would remove that and give it to Nebula, who had been his last love.

I don't deserve it.... I don't deserve that much of you.

Damn! Damn!

All the time wasted. Time that we both thought we would have.

"Please.... help me.... I need him back." A plea. He'd never asked anything of gods before an how could these disregard his love for the man beneath his sorrowful touch - the man whose death had saved them.

I should have shown him how much I love him...

He sat down, crossed his legs, bowed his head and lost himself in memories of that day in Greece. Gilgamesh's deputies had left after making their appeal. In his head heard Iolaus' voice again.

'But why do we have to go to Sumeria? We can't help. These aren't even our gods.' The blond had said and he had replied.

'I help people who are in trouble, and these people need our help.'

Iolaus had frowned , doubtful, and he had refused to listen.

He opened his eyes, his gaze going inevitably to the still figure on the bier.

Had you foreseen what was going to happen.?

The ghost of an engaging giggle echoed around the room. He raised his head and the memory spoke again.

'We're really going to ask Nebula if she'll give us a lift?'

'You're only happy because the two of you have a thing going.' he had teased just to see the vivacious grin. He always felt so happy.... as if nothing could go wrong.... when he saw that cheeky smile.

'Well. I always get bored on a sea trip.' Iolaus had been sharpening his sword, slowly whetting the blade.

The light of the fading sun was glinting off the weapon and shining in his eyes, turning cornflower-blue lights into blithe sapphires and the wheaten mop of hair into molten gold. And he had caught his breath....

"Gods, he was so beautiful. I'd always thought so - always wondered if there'd ever be a time... Because my heart belonged to him. He'd always been there, always at my side when everyone else had left me. He'd been the one constant in my life and I loved him for it."

I am alone....

He stood again and wandered aimlessly around the room, touching a tapestry, caressing a displayed weapon. The softest silk could not compare to the smoothness of Iolaus' skin, the sharpest steel could never match his keen spirit.

His spirit....

"I watched as him sharpened that sword and smiled, my heart swept with waves of love and desire. I hoped that just once he'd feel the incoming tide and sink with me willingly. But he did nothing, just spent hours on that sword, and never used it. I often wondered why he brought it along on our journeys. It was the first thing to be lost when we fought back to back. He preferred using his hands.

They were small, slim hands, marred by forging burns and scarred by sword cuts but he could use them with deadly force or to caress a lover.

They're cold now...

He picked up one of these unresponsive hands and kissed it, willing the heat of his lips to give life.

Iolaus....

"Iolaus? "

He looked up at me, the lopsided grin appearing as he saw what I was carrying.

'Great! I'm starving,' he said and attacked the food I'd brought as if he hadn't eaten for days. He always ate like that - always hungry. I sat beside him and gazed at him, amused by such a voracious appetite.

"When he was finished eating, he lay back in the soft grass, and shut his eyes, belching gently. 'I'm too full to move.'

"'We have to sleep. We're off early tomorrow for the ship,' I chided.

"'I'll sleep here.' He settled yourself into the grass, looking as immovable as a rock.

"The full moon spread silver over his skin. It leached out the gold - the life - and replaced it with dead white light. I got up and stretched out a hand.

'Come on. You can't sleep here all night. It's going to rain.'

The dead light...the gathering storm clouds. Why didn't I heed the warnings? I failed him - when he needed me most.

Forgive me....

He opened an eye and glanced at the sky. 'Perhaps you're right,' he said sleepily, and reached for my hand.

I pulled him upright, hearing the yelp of surprise as I forgot my own strength for a moment."'Herc!'He came crashing into my arms, and I caught him, holding him, knowing that it had been my treacherous heart that had put him there.

He looked at me, eyes asking why I wasn't releasing him from my embrace. How could he know that I didn't want to?

"Gazing into those impossibly blue eyes, I couldn't help myself. I needed to kiss you, wanted to claim you at last.

At last...

"His eyes widened for a moment as I brushed his lips with my own, holding him as if I would never let go."

I can never let him go...

He sat in a corner, curled around his grief and heard a voice asking him if he was all right, if he needed anything.

Be still and they'll leave....

The voice faded and he buried himself in his memories once more.

'Herc?'

"His voice was soft, questioning, but I couldn't detect any disgust. He just continued to let me hold him. I didn't know what to say. How could I tell him how I felt? How could I scare him with the knowledge of how long I'd wanted him...

"But all those thoughts drifted away like ashes in the wind when he stood up and kissed me back - a deep passionate kiss that told me everything about his own love.

"Gods. Was this really happening? Could I have really tasted his lips and tongue like that in the moonlight? I'll always remember that kiss; it was sweet and slightly sticky from the fruit he'd eaten. His mouth really was like the honey I'd imagined. Now I'll never know if it was from supper or if he always tasted like that - I never tasted his lips again.

"He drew away, eyes full of shadowed regret and exhaustion.

"'Iolaus... I...'

"'Save it, Herc. We have all the time in the world, but right now, I want to sleep.' "'But...' "He stroked a hand down my cheek and grinned. 'Tomorrow. I'm too tired to do anything right now.'

"I nodded dumbly. His eyes held a promise that I knew, even then, would be broken. I just wanted to take him, carry him to bed, or even sink down into the grass at our feet, but he pulled away and picked up the sword.

'We'll talk more tomorrow, Herc.'

"'Don't reject me,' I blurted out.

"He turned, smiled at me and touched my hand and I started, not expecting it.

"'I'm not rejecting you. You said we had to get up early. I've wanted this too long to just let it be a quick fuck and then sleep. When this is over and we're back home....well... We can go to bed and make love to each other all night, and all day. That's how I want it. We've waited so long, a few more days can't hurt.' His voice was soft and warm in the gathering coldness.

"He wanted me too! He wanted me and I could wait. I had waited for 25 years - what were a few more days?

"So I nodded and watched him disappear into the darkness, going back to his cottage. I grinned and walked with a light heart to my own."

Memories....

His eyes caressed the beloved face, the pale lips that had held such promise, the perfect, lithe and now lifeless body - a body he had ached to touch - and regretted deeply that they had not taken the one chance they had had together.

Overcome with anger at this needless death, he opened his eyes and shouted to the uncaring gods.

"We took down Gilgamesh. Iolaus died fighting for you! Show me you have more compassion than the gods I know and bring him back! You owe him that."

Silence.

"You hear me? DO YOU HEAR ME?" he demanded.

Why couldn't these gods hear? Why wouldn't they listen? Were all gods this cruel? Did they all taunt and hurt. Wasn't there a single compassionate being out there who could hear his heart-rending plea?

More silence.

He bowed his head, his voice a whisper in the echoing room, a resounding accusation.

"You aren't even listening."

Somehow, Iolaus. Somehow I'll get you back. I've done it before, and I can do it again, otherwise what do I have left? Only my memories....

and those will never be enough...

A last, lingering finger stroked his friend's cheek, then fell uselessly to his side.

"I won't let you go."
 
 

END.