The AP Style Guide

AP's terrifying and educated Prod Eds ruled the written page with iron wills, also rulers, but in the end, despite all the sacrifices they offered to the demon gods of Kandar, they'd inevitably fall victim to poison darts puffed along an unsuspicious drinking straw by a rappelling freelancer who'd had one too many split infinitives corrected, and would be sucked elongated out of the office through a spooky swirling vortex while defiantly bellowing, "Aaarghh! - That's three As and two Hs."

But the shadowy brotherhood of the Grammar Knower had anticipated such moments and prepared for them. To ensure consistency between eras in style - that prod-bothersomely subjective language of a mag which mightn't ordinarily conform to hallowed regulations - each Prod Ed jotted their individual observations in a mighty tome; a fabled Book of the Dead which kept the accreted knowledge of all prods, yea, unto the first generation.

Thus, at a rapid glance, any Prod Ed could tell you how AMIGA POWER, the eternal collective far beyond the dusty individuals, spelt "truly" or "spelt," could decisively judge on the disbursement of commas through "You useless, cretinous morons," and could explain exactly the typesetting escalations of "It's back (back! Back!)." Other magazines crudely presented their "style sheets" to staff and freelancers, but, to maintain the proper proportions of alarm, worry and fear, only the Prod Eds could read the The AP Style Guide style guide, silently applying its wisdom after a piece was submitted. It's said that a junior staff writer in the Mark Ramshaw days bravely stole a glance at the prohibited volume and their EYES WERE INSTANTLY HURLED FROM THEIR HEAD because the Prod Ed had crept up behind them and now smacked them across the occipital with a lacrosse stick. (Hang on - "bunto"? - Ed.)

The compendious document was frequently updated - the last known version bears the cover picture from AP42 with the text altered to read SUPER STYLE GUIDE - and gained streaky powers with each revision. (The obsolete edition would be ceremonially burned in the car park, sending a pulsing tower of screaming light into the boiling clouds of night.) Any questions that linger in your thudding mind about AMIGA POWER could easily be answered by consulting the Style Guide. (Yes, bunto. Back unto. Obv. - AP2.)

In 1300AD, the Style Guide disappeared.

THE AP PROD EDS SENSE YOU'RE READING THIS PAGE. GET OUT. GET OUT NOW.