*Disappointingly, the company is actually called Dennis Publishing (after owner Felix Dennis), rather than AP's sinister besuited paymasters referring in sibilant hisses to a bloke with the first name Dennis, as if they together founded a conker club in school or something but everything collapsed in vicious acrimony over a girl with pigtails, or possibly an especially impressive conker, and they became irreconcilable enemies, referring to one another with acidic chumminess.